I have a phobia.
I always thought I didn't have any serious fears-I'm a little scared of bugs, a little more scared of spiders. I don't really like the dark, and I hate quiet because it's boring. But nothing that keeps me up at night.
Then yesterday, my grandma mentioned something about drunk drivers, and I FREAKED OUT. I went on a rant that went a little something like this:
"I hate drunk drivers!!!! I think the penalty for them should be so much worse than it is. I mean, just think about it-they're KILLING people. There was some kid at my school a couple of years ago (before I wnet there) who got hit by a drunk driver and killed. It should be like in Sweden where if you're caught once, even if you don't hit anything, they take away your license forever and there's no way to get it back. Irresponsible driving is the one thing that I do not tolerate. Like people who talk on their phones and drive? I was in the car with Auntie the other day and she took out her phone and I yelled 'PUT THAT AWAY!' but she didn't listen! Can you believe that? We could totally crash!!!! In drivers Ed I had to watch a movie and there was this chick who was talking on her phone AND not wearing a seat belt and her head banged into the steering wheel and they showed her and it was SO GRUESOME! Her entire jaw had come off and she had a big gash in her head-like BIG, you couldn't see her nose or eyes or anything. It was just a big bloody mess. And all of her friends that were in the car with her died too!! How could she do that with other people in the car? And texting and driving!!!! We watched Seven Pounds at the lock-in, and that whole thing was started because he was texting and driving pretty much!!! Oh, and don't even get me started on motorcyclists who don't wear helmets-my biggest fear is that one will crash into me and hit his head on my windshield, and- AAAHHHHH!!!" At that point I started hyperventilating and fanning my face with my hands because I was fully overheating.
That's when it occurred to me that I have a serious fear of driving.
When I was going through drivers ed, I had nightmares about driving every night-I would be driving and my breaks would fail and I would realize the emergency break was on the other side of the car where I couldn't reach it; I crashed through the doors of the Mall of America and ran over tons of people because my breaks weren't working; I crashed into a crate of dynomite; a motorcyclist with no helmet on hit me; I crahsed my Auntie's minivan with my little cousin in the backseat; etc. etc.etc...-but people said it was just while I was in drivers ed and that it would pass after I finished. The nightmares passed, but the idea of actually driving freaks me out so bad... the only way I got through behind-the-wheel was knowing that the teacher had breaks on his side. When my mom would take me to the cemetery to drive (because thats where she learned), I wouldn't go any faster than 10 mph.
This is bad.
I probably can't go my entire life without getting my license. So how am I gonna do that???? Ahhhhhhh!!!!! Scary :/
Yeah just thought I'd share that tidbit of information that I recently discovered about myself...
I googled "how to overcome fear of driving" and got nothing helpful. They said "driving anxiety is caused by traumatic memories, such as being in a car crash." Not the case here. I don't even know anyone who has been seriously injured in a car crash. So whats my deal??
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